Monday, March 22, 2010

monkey wrench

I am in desperate need of clean clothes. I wanted to do laundry today, but right now outlook not so good. I came down from the 14th to the 2nd floor with my duffle bag of stink only with my wallet and pocket full of change. This being the age of the internet, you need to buy a laundry card but you can't use real money; somehow you have to add value over the phone or the net. Not impossible for me; I've been online quite a while. So I go back upstairs and get my phone. BUT. The machine that gives out cards requires a pin number that you have to get from the phone, and to set up a new account over the phone you have to enter the pin from the back of the card. It's a snake eating its own tail, and I know I need to jump in somewhere--but where?

A woman came in. Help! I asked her what to do, and she said: first you have to go to their website. What? What kind of bullshit system is this? Then, randomly, I found a card on top of a machine with 1.25 left on it. Phew. Now I have a card, but it's not set up to my account, whatever that is. So I call them and use the number from the back of the randomly misplaced card and go through about 15 extra menus of "enter your card number", "enter your pin" and "press 1 if this is correct." Finally, they ask me how much to add. 5, 10, or 15. There is no 2, 7, or 11 available. More bullshit. I only want to do 1 load and 1 dry, which would be about 2 dollars more than what's already on the card. But that's not an option. I go to get my card. Not there. My credit card is somehow missing; I feel uneasy and nervous. I use my debit card, enter all the numbers, and then hear "all systems are busy right now, please try again later. goodbye." Goodbye?! What kind of broken system is this? If you're busy, make me wait a minute. But disconnect?!

I retreat. This is not meant to be. I get back upstairs and call the Handlebar to see if they have my credit card. That's where I was last time I used it; I must have forgotten. But they're not open. Well, they're open but they're not open-open. Someone picks up and says they are "spring cleaning" and are not open today or tomorrow. And for some reason, he doesn't have access to the register, and no one else does either. S.O.L. Ok, I'll call back. When will there be someone. Tomorrow at 8am. Really?!? (Say "Really?!" in your highest pitch inner voice. And repeat, even higher.)

So then I check my account balances. No charge from the Handlebar on Saturday night. But there is a 5-dollar pending charge on my debit card from the shenanigans in the laundry room.

[insert steam sound coming from ears]

So let's schlep back down there and see if it worked. Or else all my clothes are dirty and I have a coffee date at 4pm. Which means lots and lots of Köln.

It's a good thing, by the way, that Darick gave me some of this month's payment in cash the other day. Because now, with my credit card AWOL and only $20 in my checking, I would literally have next to no money while I wait the transfer from ing.

[insert me going down to try this all again here]

Ok. Nope. Didn't work. Fortunately, I saw the same woman again on the way down. And when I realized my card didn't actually have any more money on it, I had a creative thought:
"I don't suppose I could give you cash and use your card?"
"No." Said sweetly and with a smile.

I don't understand! This whole experience has me confused by technology, people, and most of all laundry. I may just boycott laundry from here on out. Give away my clothes and start fresh every week.

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