smoldering

Where there's fire, there's heat, but the reverse is not necessarily true. I made a fire tonight, trying to only use two logs and some newspaper. Yes, and some lighter fluid too. Fires like that can start off looking promising but then quickly die down to smoldering logs. There's heat, there's a little smoke, but no flames. I either get some more paper or blow on it, but it's takes a while, without kindling, to convince two thick logs to really catch.

Which is how I've felt all week. I left my focus, my vision for the future, somewhere either at the cottage or in Chicago. The flames have died down, and, although I'm super hot, there's no visible sign of fire. Hot with potential that is. I'm not too worried, just annoyed that I made little, if any, forward progress. Some days, some weeks are like that. I have to remember this weekend that, just as tomorrow begins tonight, next week begins this weekend. I'm going to have a weekend that doesn't take two days to recover from.

I figured out what's missing this week: a goal or deadline. I forgot to think about the near and distant futures at all this week to find a new one. I say a new one, because last weekend was an arrival point if only in my head. Several weeks ago I set the Saturday night party as a deadline to come up with some new stuff. There was a remote possibility that I would play this stuff at the party. Even in the days leading up to last weekend, I kept telling myself it was a possibility - clearly a lie but one that produced results.

New deadlines have arrived, so I should be cooking with gas next week. First, I came up with some new ideas for the orchestra piece, bringing that idea back from the ashes. These ideas are much more manageable than the vague concepts of chaos and order I was attempting to incarnate last go-around. Second, I got word of a little competition, deadline in a couple months.

The album idea doesn't motivate me right now, but if I can remember why it was important to me, I'll resurrect the best tracks and make another push.

Errata: I didn't leave the house today and am forgoing my weekly trip to the Roadhouse. I'm quitting drinking for a little while. I left my yoga mat out all day so that I can do 5 minutes of stretching every break I take. I can touch my toes again and am working on upper body strength so I can do a handstand.

I'm thinking about joining the circus.

No I'm not. Say no to say yes.

Here's a clip from the South Park I linked to last week. You should know that there's a running gag with Jeff Goldblum making crazy associations. But the punchline comes towards the end of the clip. It's only 2 minutes but will give you the idea.