taking the cure

My head screwed itself on straight today, and I had a pretty healthy amount of mental energy. Sometimes your brain just gets tired and then shuts down while it heals itself--like after a crazy new year's eve. [Yes, I'm still talking about it. One of my resolutions (before I found a better one) was to remember what I did this year all the way till next year. I still can't quite be sure what I did last year, but I think it was just something to fill up the night--I may even have been on my bike when '09 struck.] And then it just takes some time. The key is to avoid further damage when you're not strong enough to resist. It's like Silo says: "Do not oppose a great force. Retreat until it weakens, then advance with resolution." Sometimes you make your own great force in opposition to yourself.

Though I'm by myself, I'll have you all know that I'm not alone; there are a lot of people like me. Not that I ever really thought that I was that unique; I was always surprised at people's surprise when I told them what I was going to do. That's (apparently) part of my modus operandi: blazing my own trail. Even if someone else had the right answer, I wouldn't believe it until I found it myself. That's probably why organized religion never really stuck. Being an organization, its primary objective is to stay organized, and its secondary objective is to impart its "wisdom" on the people. The second objective typically supports the first, but still, its priorities are inherently flawed. That being said, one of the few churches that I've belonged to disbanded because "the experiment wasn't working." One could argue, if one were prone to psychoanalysis, that I felt abandoned, like a kid with a dead-beat dad, and that now I have trouble committing to churches. Which is really not true. I would say that I've never really felt a deep religious experience in a church or, indeed, with (a large group of) people. And now look at me alone in the woods; I saw and spoke to only one person today (the guy who fixed the shower that broke while I was showering).

I got up at a reasonable hour today, had a great cup of coffee and, while eating my oatmeal (which I yearn for as soon as I wake), I plotted the next three months--just like my resolution would have me do. I'm trying to be more structured with time, so plotting out dates, deadlines, goals, soirées, and whatnot is part of the plan. And so far so good. Bad news is I missed two deadlines, one of which was yesterday. Meh. Learn from your mistakes.

I decided that I am going to make an electronic album. I've got a lot of potential material; it's just a matter of organizing and polishing it. It started when a (facebook/bike) friend commented (on facebook) that he really dug (one g) a track that I did for Dubi's Bike Salute video. I had totally forgotten about it but after (re)listening, I decided it wasn't half bad. In fact, it was only a third bad and so needs some polishing but could actually be good. This random praise came at a time where I am working a lot on electronic sounding music and less on acoustic. I'm still really excited about combining them, but I've got some practicing to do with the computer first.

It's funny how I spend all day tweaking details and then the stuff I show you I made in like 10 minutes. This video is from a walk to the beach I took yesterday. After wading through a snow drift that was up over my knee, I got to what is usually the beach. This time of year, the beach is extended almost 50 feet by ice balls that have frozen together. I went all the way to the edge where the lake was violently turbulent. With the wind and waves, the sound was like a train with no whistle. The sound from the camera was unappealing (but probably pretty dramatic), so I made up something on the piano. It makes for a somewhat (opposite of) uplifting winter scene. Downpushing? Depressed? Either way, the mood that this induces is not how I'm feeling up here, the music just seemed to fit. At the end you see me get sprayed by a wave.