make your own fate

I got caught up last night; I watched in on tv and now know everything you know--about Lost. I'm not exactly proud of it, but at least, today, I don't have hours of streaming video to tempt me away from some quality introspection and musicking. On the continuum of "good/evil" to "everything-is-relative", turns out it is, in fact, somewhere in between. There seems to be a clear evil but good is ambiguous. Which seems more like our experience: we can all agree on certain acts as evil (maybe not unanimous, but close enough), but there are as many paths to righteousness as there are religions. Maybe to be good is to not be evil. It's like, we can all agree on what silence is, but we can't agree what music is. And, to continue the metaphor, we need silence to define the music, to give it a shape by which we can perceive it.

The show also talks a lot about "good people" and "bad people", often redefining the same person several times in an episode. According to my above interpretation, there are only bad people and not-bad people. And many of the not-bad people think they're good, but few can agree on what that means.

I feel like I've been writing a lot of not-bad music, living a not-bad life, but it's maybe time to get on some path for good. But, considering I tend not to stay on the path if it's laid out before me, I'll have to get my machete and find my own way, make my own path. I feel like I've said something similar before--like when I started this blog.

I went for a bike ride again this morning. Spring is here with conviction; flowers are pushing up through the dirt and birds are scrounging for food. And ants and mice are again exploring the house. I find it ironic that the traffic noise is almost louder here than in the city. We're about a mile from 94, so we get a lot of truck noise, depending on the room. Sometimes, though, the wave noise from the lake beats out the truck noise, depending on the wind.

some people have pets; i have bikes

I took my fixie on a date to show it around the area. And on the way, Spring came in from across the lake, with its embracing temperatures and pungent smells. Riding it was like visiting an old friend, and I realized that my bike was like my pet. Rather: just one of my pets. First I took it on a test ride to make sure I had cleaned and lubed the chain well enough. Then tooled around until I found this picturesque train crossing. Then to the beach. The lake was wet! I missed the ice cracking and thawing, so it was like visiting a wholly different beach.

It was good to get back into the real world from the Lost world. I felt more like an addict last night as I had to watch episodes from the current season on some random, probably off-shore, website. I'm not sure how it was legal, but I had no other choice; they were no longer on abc or hulu. I'm not totally caught up but getting close. Ironically, just as I posted the other day that Lost transcended good and evil, now it's starting to appear that no, in fact, the whole thing is just a struggle between two people--one more good than the other.

hanging out at the beach

so

much

can change

in a month

a week

a day

good and evil

This weekend, my last moments in Chicago for the next week, has been about recuperation and Lost. I've watched all but 3 episodes of season 5 in the past few days--am hoping to finish tonight. Yesterday, I felt slightly ill all day from the night before, so it was just about all I could do. I'm not sure how I got so drunk; I guess that's what I get for hanging out with homebrewers--was out of my league.

And in the nearly 11 hours of Lost, I realized that this show is just as much about the post-9-11 age as 24. I never got into 24, but from what I know about it, they're similar shows. The major difference is that in 24 you always know who's good and who's evil--the Fox News version of the world. In Lost, you think you know, but then are turned around so many times, that it becomes clear that: there's more than just 2 sides, the sides are nested, creating internal conflicts, and none of the sides are wholly good or evil. 24 seems more about the outmoded worldview, while Lost is perhaps a prescient view of the future.

Somewhere around episode 5 yesterday, I finally at some food.

And somewhere in between episodes 9 and 10, I went to Sarah's going away party as she heads of to NYC with a 3-month layover in Cali to meditate and do yoga.

I'm hoping to finish tonight so I can get on with my life.

I had flashes of brilliance towards the end of the week, am hoping to continue tomorrow once re-ensconced in the simplicity of Michigan.

You say fail; I say win.

windy city

frozen fingers tell no lies. four trips on the bike equals forty cold fingers. wicker park and back to see laura. filter is back and better than ever. got my credit card from handlebar; nice of them to open. somehow wrote a song in the few hours on the 14th floor. almost done. electronic, repetitive and transformative.

sushi with darick and selena at Hama-Matsu. a different laura was there too. good food, good tea (sweet ginger and cinnamon). the real story, however, was in the bathroom. try anything once, and if you like it, try it again. i would buy one of these if i had a house. here's a close-up of the controls.

now time for sleep. early, not even midnight yet. been up till 2 writing reviews this week. gonna hit the ground running in the morning. tomorrow starts tonight.

heroes and villains

i

am

sitting

in a room

different than

the one you are in

now

i

have

nothing

to say

because i have

already said so much

hand wash

The end result of this mornings trials and tribulations is me wearing wet clothes to dry them and hanging the rest in the bathtub. And some by the windows. No pictures, 'cause I'm too modest.

Tant pis.

Coïncidences just make me laugh these days and I had a couple good guffaws today. None that I can tell you.

Schade.

I just watched Inglorious Basterds (to continue my obsession with WWII movies) and could understand the French and some of the German. The way to get to Carnegie? Practice. After the string of serious, fact-based films, it was such a joy to see some levity--and to see the Nazis get beat the eff down. And it was just a fun, quirky movie.

Let me tell you to cement it in my head: the time for words is afternoon or evening; the time for sounds is morning. I need to reverse my schedule so that I'm back to blogging at night and composing in the morning. And only checking emails a couple times a day not every 5 minutes.

Progress.

I think Brad Pitt's character in Basterds is still resonating in my head; I can hear his voice having an influence on my writing--but I'm filtering most of it out.

monkey wrench

I am in desperate need of clean clothes. I wanted to do laundry today, but right now outlook not so good. I came down from the 14th to the 2nd floor with my duffle bag of stink only with my wallet and pocket full of change. This being the age of the internet, you need to buy a laundry card but you can't use real money; somehow you have to add value over the phone or the net. Not impossible for me; I've been online quite a while. So I go back upstairs and get my phone. BUT. The machine that gives out cards requires a pin number that you have to get from the phone, and to set up a new account over the phone you have to enter the pin from the back of the card. It's a snake eating its own tail, and I know I need to jump in somewhere--but where?

A woman came in. Help! I asked her what to do, and she said: first you have to go to their website. What? What kind of bullshit system is this? Then, randomly, I found a card on top of a machine with 1.25 left on it. Phew. Now I have a card, but it's not set up to my account, whatever that is. So I call them and use the number from the back of the randomly misplaced card and go through about 15 extra menus of "enter your card number", "enter your pin" and "press 1 if this is correct." Finally, they ask me how much to add. 5, 10, or 15. There is no 2, 7, or 11 available. More bullshit. I only want to do 1 load and 1 dry, which would be about 2 dollars more than what's already on the card. But that's not an option. I go to get my card. Not there. My credit card is somehow missing; I feel uneasy and nervous. I use my debit card, enter all the numbers, and then hear "all systems are busy right now, please try again later. goodbye." Goodbye?! What kind of broken system is this? If you're busy, make me wait a minute. But disconnect?!

I retreat. This is not meant to be. I get back upstairs and call the Handlebar to see if they have my credit card. That's where I was last time I used it; I must have forgotten. But they're not open. Well, they're open but they're not open-open. Someone picks up and says they are "spring cleaning" and are not open today or tomorrow. And for some reason, he doesn't have access to the register, and no one else does either. S.O.L. Ok, I'll call back. When will there be someone. Tomorrow at 8am. Really?!? (Say "Really?!" in your highest pitch inner voice. And repeat, even higher.)

So then I check my account balances. No charge from the Handlebar on Saturday night. But there is a 5-dollar pending charge on my debit card from the shenanigans in the laundry room.

[insert steam sound coming from ears]

So let's schlep back down there and see if it worked. Or else all my clothes are dirty and I have a coffee date at 4pm. Which means lots and lots of Köln.

It's a good thing, by the way, that Darick gave me some of this month's payment in cash the other day. Because now, with my credit card AWOL and only $20 in my checking, I would literally have next to no money while I wait the transfer from ing.

[insert me going down to try this all again here]

Ok. Nope. Didn't work. Fortunately, I saw the same woman again on the way down. And when I realized my card didn't actually have any more money on it, I had a creative thought:

"I don't suppose I could give you cash and use your card?"

"No." Said sweetly and with a smile.

I don't understand! This whole experience has me confused by technology, people, and most of all laundry. I may just boycott laundry from here on out. Give away my clothes and start fresh every week.